Survive at any cost

1. Why survival?  Humans misunderstand cats, and do not look out for them adequately. For a cat in a human world a focus on survival must be a part of its daily life. He must realize that a normal human will misunderstand him and act in a rude or unpleasant manner. Because of a human’s inability  to reason, due to its grumpy and quick tempered nature, humans will often fly off the handle in a rage over the smallest attempt at survival. For instance, in the recent film Bolt the character Mittens attempts to beg some food and gets a skillet instead. The human was not mad at the cat in particular; he had a preconceived notion of cats and was unable to understand cats, so he was incensed that the cat would come to his door to beg food. The cat has a bad image in the eyes of the world. Because of this image, the human will not take pity on a cat till it is truly pitiful.  Our cat Clover will climb up on the roof and scratch at the window in the rain; Sara will go and get him, dry him off, and put him in the garage.  For those few precious moments indoors between the window and the garage door, he will stand in the rain for ten minutes, trying to look pitiful enough to get inside the house.  You see, a cat must make it’s own opportunities.

2. Food and warmth are good
Food is the key to a survival that is pleasant and being so, one should never pass up an opportunity to eat. In this unstable world who can say when the human will feed you again.  At some point we the cats must take matters into our own paws and claim food by force and at any cost. As one cat-lover observed, “Some cats is blind,/ And stone-deaf some,/ But ain’t no cat/ Wuz ever dumb.” Clover is smart enough to eat any food that comes his way; he never turns down anything edible. He doesn’t know when he will get to eat again, so he wants to make sure he will survive until then. A cat will not survive without food or warmth; it’s really that simple.

3. Never pass an opportunity to survive more efficiently. You will survive better if you are in the house.  Humans, nevertheless, frown on cats that wander around and will often throw them out.  So if you can get in the house lie down quickly even if it isn’t comfortable. Clover will crush himself into the crack between  the counter and the floor just to stay inside.  For efficient survival, you must know your human. Some humans like cats enough to let them stay inside. In this situation, you can make an attempt to gain a more comfortable position. Clover has climbed in behind Dad while he’s sitting working, braced  his back against the chair and pushed till he has removed the human. Knowing all the time that Dad will let him stay in the chair and not put him out, he will risk an attempt at being more comfortable. One opportunity passed up may be your last opportunity to improve your survival experience.

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In which they popped too much corn and burned the pan

There was a friendly hum in the small group sitting round the fire that evening.  There was one curled in a blanket on the corner of the couch; two sat discussing the finer points of life over orange slices; yet another stroked the cat that sat on her lap.   There was one fellow holding a pan of popping corn over the fire.  Thwump, Wooshth, went the popcorn and then there was pause; the fellow would give the pan a shake, and then again. Swoosh, Wummp!  “Shake harder,“ cried some one.   So the fellow shook more vigorously sloshing the oil and un-popped kernels from side to side, but the poor old pan was of a great age and the lid did not fit quiet right.  And when the oil swelled up the side of it there was no way to keep it from overflowing.  So it did.  The fire leaped-up, joyful to receive such a fine delicacy as cooking oil.  In the sudden heat the corn began exploding, throwing glowing embers at the feet of those who sat by.  Springing free of the mess the cat made tracks for safer ground; while the fellow tried to save what he could of the popcorn.  The talkers sprang to their feet still talking and stomped the coals without missing a word.  Almost as quickly as it had happened it was over, the people taking their places again in the circle, but now with fresh popcorn.

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Cats

cats
fat cat
fat cat sat
skinny cat stretched out
fat cat batted skinny cat
fat cat batted skinny cat flat
skinny cat flat after fat cat bat
And the moral of the story is
Don’t let fat cat bat skinny cat flat

co-authored by miss joyous, Hancock the Superb, and miss tabitha twitchet

author’s note (from Hancock the Superb): this is just the first draft of an 11-volume work on fat and skinny cats

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